Signs of Domestic Violence

Signs of Domestic Violence

In 2020, a total of 839 domestic violence victims sought services in one day in Hawaii. A 145% increase from 578 victims in one day in 2019, according to the countrywide census conducted by the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV).

October is national domestic violence awareness month. Domestic violence, including abuse and intimate partner violence (IPV), is when someone in a relationship engages in actions and patterns to gain power or control over their partner. Domestic violence occurs beyond married couples living under one roof. It can take place at any age, even in teenage relationships. It can happen between couples not living together. In 2017, about 34.7% of women and 24.1% of men in Hawaii reported experiencing IPV.

Abuse is not only physical. Abusive behaviors can be physical, psychological (mental), sexual, religious, financial, and emotional. About 43.5% of women in Hawaii reported having experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner during their lifetime. Abuse rarely occurs as a one-time, random instance. Here are some warning signs and habits to look for: 

  • Belittling you and your interests
    “You can never do anything right!” or “Why do you like ___? That’s dumb.”)
  • Blaming you and never apologizing for their bad behavior
    “It’s not my fault, you made me…”
  • Limiting your time with friends, family, or peers
    “You’re not allowed to see/hang out with ____.”
  • Controlling your finances, resources, or time
    “Give me your credit card. You can’t use it unless you ask me first.”
  • Extreme jealousy of your time, friends, or attention
    “You laugh a lot with your friends. Why don’t you laugh at my jokes like that?”
  • Destroying property or surroundings; harming you or themself 
    “I’m doing this because I love you.”
  • Intimidating you with threats, weapons, destruction, harm to others
    “Do [this] now! Or else I will _____!”
  • Pressuring to consume alcohol or drugs or conduct sexual acts
    “You need to do ____ if you love me.”

Hotlines & Helplines

If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, or if you’re concerned that some of your actions are harmful or potentially abusive, there are local and national resources available to help. All hotlines are equipped to provide discreet assistance with safety as a priority. You do not need to be in crisis to call a crisis hotline. REMINDER: After October 24, 2021, you MUST dial area code (808) when calling a Hawaii phone number.

State-Wide: Aloha United Way (AUW) Helpline: 2-1-1

– Parents And Children Together (PACT): 24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (808) 526-2200

Kauai: YWCA of Kauai
– 24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (808) 245-6362
– SA 24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (808) 245-2144

Maui & Lanai: Women Helping Women 24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (808) 579-9581

Molokai: Molokai Community Service Council 24-Hour Hotline: (808) 567-6888

Hawaii Island: Hale Ohana Shelter: (808) 959-8864

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 
– 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) 
– Text “START” to 88788

National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline: 24/7 Videophone: (855) 812-1001

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network): 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673)

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